Today is going to get a little dark. I want to talk with you about the Monster. The one who lives under your skin. Who you hear sometimes, bellowing like a beast. The one you meet at 2 am, when you go still and there is nothing to distract.
"Oh, THAT Monster?!", you may say. "The one who lives in pretty me? The one I pretend away, with sweet lies and social graces? The one I'd rather die of shame than let you meet? Yes. I have her chained up. For years, now. I can hardly remember a time before....
Oh, don't look so aghast! Of course I feed her! A rounded diet of denial, pretense, avoidance and pain. Trust me, she is well fed. I have her completely under control.
Though every once in a while... especially at 2 am, in stillness and tender dark... she stares me down. And I look. Her pain. Aberration. Disgusting.
And perhaps I startle... at something I can just... barely... see.... A shimmer? A smooth edge? What was that? A mellow sound - that feeling... It's ridiculous, but I almost think, looking into the shadows of her face, that she is... beautiful, maybe. Something... of worth... ?? Value.
A lonely animal, longing to be."
'Meeting our Monster' is the theme of this month's Taurus New Moon discussion. A heavy topic, for sure. Today is a heavy day. For on this day we sit at the edge of great social precipice. A change point in our collective tide. Not only is today a Taurean new moon, but Lord Uranus - the rebel rousing revolutionary who 'frees us from the known' - will make his first pass into the sign of the bull. Setting off a 7 year Taurean cycle of coming face to face with our inner desire nature and the way we relate to earth.
The part of us that is so wild, it might just take us over.
The Taurean Beast: The Minotaur
In ancient Crete, the Minotaur was so reviled that it was banished to an impenetrable labyrinth in the palace dungeons to keep its beastly ways from society. Born shamefully of King Mino's greedy betrayal of Poseidon, the Minotaur was embarrassing. With the head of a BULL and the body of a man, ruled by his animal nature, he reeked and was out of control, he ate of human flesh, he was revolting.
Locked from site, his hideous bellows could be heard through the splendid palace, a reminder of Mino's lustful disregard for the laws of nature and his duty to serve justly. Just beneath the music and revelry, the Minotaur's voice would rise from the dark - terrible and jarring. Rude and wanting. And so the parties became louder, the materialism more rampant, the indulgences more creative, the denial more complete. Until finally Theseus, an outsider, stole into the Labyrinth and bludgeoned the beast to death.
And so lies the hidden secret of Taurus.
As we discussed 2 weeks ago, Taurus is matter. Stuff. Value, beauty and solid ground. Loyalty. Fixity. Feminine grace, embodiment of the Goddess.
And Taurus is also deep insecurity and fear for survival in the wake of Wild Nature's Power. The fear that, if we let GO and allow our instinct, OUR ANIMAL, to arise - we may be destroyed. This part may devour us. We must stay 'in control'!
So we hide the animal away. And ironically, when the animal is denied, the worst part of Taurus can take over. Materialism, greed, gluttony, lust, stubborn ignorance. Spinning illusions to avoid the Monster.
From early in our lives, society encourages us to revile our 'beast'. To subjugate 'nature' with 'higher' will. But our inner animal never dies. In fact it takes an enormous amount of soul food to keep her alive, chained as she is. For remember as a child, when she was free? She would feast from the flowers in the garden. Would lick and savor the taste of bark against her skin. She would open her throat and drink the sky. She was allowed.
But over time, her behavior grew embarrassing. Too loud, too happy, too lewd, too hungry, too needy, too hairy. So we put her away. Crate trained, scheduled, put on a diet. Cultural rules, social graces, pretty dresses, sit up, don't speak, want less, stop complaining, knees crossed, laugh with your mouth closed. The quelling of our inner beast. The reigning in, the hunkering down, the lining up, the status quo. For Taurus, at her most base, wants nothing more than to be 'NORMAL'.
Well it's time to meet our Monster. To face the parts we fear. Because when we refuse to accept parts of our Self, we live life on the surface. Her cage becomes our cage. Her prison, our prison. We lose the right to dive into depth, to bear Taurean beauty. To feel our body, our matter, our sensuality, our value, our freedom. Our birthright. To embody the Goddess. And if we're going to live on this planet and move forward in Grace, we have to allow Her to BE.
TODAY, at this precipice, we claim our RIGHT to embody our MONSTER. We BRAVELY bare the FEAR OF BEING CONSUMED by ourselves. We begin our liberation, Uranus' greatest gift. As we see in Hawaii - the crust of the earth will crack and her molten insides spew to burn away the constructs. And we will come face to face with Her. With how we've been treating Her, how we've been allowing or dis-allowing Her.
When we have the courage to face Her and love Her and feel Her, the EARTH is liberated... And Her beauty fills the spaces that were emptied in their effort to keep Her at bay.
Now there grows an opening to the Monster's lair. Can you feel it?
Uranus into Taurus. A Taurus New Moon.
Today, over the world, we hear her BELLOW from within. And for the next 7 years, the world will meet Her.
And she will have Her way. One way or another.
Will you look her in the face and see?
A Ritual for Tuesday May 15th. A good day to be asking: How will I welcome my inner Monster?
Will I be repulsed, beat her back with a stick?
Will I fall to knees and offer my throat? Bare my belly?
Will I look her in the eyes: hold strong gaze and see her as is - fear, vulnerability, ugliness. An expression of the Divine. Of Truth. Of Love.
It's your choice. A little of one, a little of the other. But at least, awareness. The beginning of a conversation. And eventually, wholeness.
1. Today, you may spend a little of your 'soul food' considering:
What inside of me am I dis-allowing? What feelings, hungers, longings, dreams? What impulses, angers, loves? What have I judged as 'wrong' or 'unacceptable'? What part of me hides in a dark room?
What part of me do I avoid by filling myself with longings - for distractions, for more food than I need, for controlling via 'love', for unhealthy pleasures, for entertainment, obsessions?
2. Now to meet her. To find the gateway to her lair, lie down. Close your eyes. Call to your heart, to the earth, to your angels and guides. Center into love. Now... go deeply inward, down to a dark place. Down the tunnel into your dark psyche. And there waiting - you will see her. What is she wearing? What shape, her body? How feels the room? See what you find. Stand in the fear. Look her in the face. Hold love.
3. And if you are very brave, strike up a conversation. Ask her questions. They may arise, or they may look something like these:
Who are you? What do you want? What are you feeling? Why?
What if we were to let you out... What would you do? Are you dangerous? What do you need?
How can we live together? How can I help you? How can I trust you?
4. Be open to answers. Let her tell you her story. You may be surprised what you learn.
5. Important - a New Moon day is the time to set an intention. For something you want, something BIG. Right from the center of that part of you, consider letting HER speak her need, her desire. If no harm comes, no ill will, consider calling it in. Be bold.
For today the world is waiting to hear your bellow on the wind.
Make it clear and LOUD and honest and devastating. Write it down. Keep it. Consider it deeply. Sing it to the sky.
6. And for goodness sake, get outside and taste the air! Drink the trees! And smile. For you will know that you are feeding your monstrous self with the food that never runs out. With the food forever available, wholly and perfectly. Nature's food. Magic. The wonderful MATTER that we are made of - Taurean stardust.
The day after I dropped this content in my newsletter, a friend of mine wrote me with the most wonderful experience she had, after going through the exercise. It was so stunning and moving and inspiring - I had to share it! She graciously allowed me to... so please enjoy reading an example of how this work can impact us. -Sara
“ Here is what happened for me:
I walked into the dungeon. There she sat on a bench in a cell. Stone floors. Darkness. No one else was present whom I could see. The metal cell door was opened. She looked quite scary. Matted hair over her face, one eye peeping out, demonic. I approached her and started talking. Then I sat beside her. I asked her who she was, and it was me in 3rd grade. I remember really starting to hate myself at that time and all that hatred had made me terrifying to look upon. I had an abusive grandmother who became particularly cruel for several years—my father recently told me that he even told her if she didn’t stop, she would not see me again (I never saw my father stand up for me, so this was a super big deal). Back to the girl, I had seen this image in some nightmares and with my 3rd eye in my various bedrooms before. Always this girl. Creepy. She climbed the walls and would look down on me from the ceiling corners or stand beside my bed. In nightmares she would lunge at me to hurt me. I told her she had to forgive me before I would let her out. Her little head cocked sideways with seething hatred. I was firm. We talked a little longer. I sincerely apologized for hating her and for making her stay so caged and miserable. When I asked her what would happen if I let her out, she told me if she came out, my fear would go away. I asked her if she could make herself less scary. She transformed before my eyes into me as a 3rd grader, in my favorite penguin and purple outfit, with purple hearts. I took her hand with my left hand and as we walked through the door. I grabbed a torch to escort us out of the dungeon. When we arrived outside and in the light, we looked at each other and I gave her permission to reenter inside me. Then, I read the suggestion that we were to ask her to speak her need and she told me she wanted candy. I told her I would go get candy and eat it last night (milk duds and I did so).
This morning I was dancing sort of silly and singing and I realized those were some of my kid dance moves. I giggled. As I prepared my morning medicine, I could see her beside me. She was looking at my tattoos. We both think they are cool. In the shower, I told her that I let the water run on my heart and wash me when in there. I moved the water to run on her heart as well. Then I showed her the spit game that my girls and I played when they were young. We giggled. She reentered and we went about our day.”